Today has been a wonderful day. I’m feeling so happy and so grateful for life. As I’m sitting here typing this, it is a gloriously sunny day outside, and after the status orange weather warnings we’ve just finished with, the change in the weather is most welcome.
We’ve been put into a further lockdown – another nine weeks to be precise. We have no idea if it will even end when those nine weeks are up. Being honest, I’ve got such little faith in the way that the government are running things that I’ve been finding it very hard to cope with their approach, their lack of consideration for peoples’ well-being, and the disgraceful ways in which they are “communicating.”
However, this morning I awoke with a pep in my step. I could hear birds chirping outside and the room was bright with the morning sun. I decided to get up, get dressed, and go down to the river for a walk. It was the best decision I’ve made in a while. Usually, our local park is very busy. It’s a beautiful place and people tend to flock there whenever the weather is somewhat reasonable. But, because I was up so early today, I practically had the place to myself. It felt truly special. I walked beside the river, stopping to soak in the sun that shone down on top of me. I listened to the water as it flowed past, and heard a variety of bird calls break the silence. The path was blocked half way as the river had broken its banks on both sides with the past few weeks of bad weather, but it was still lovely nonetheless.
As I walked, I remembered how in a previous, non-pregnant life, I was so good for getting up really early in the morning and going for walks. I loved rising before the sun and setting out early while the world was still asleep. I’d make my way through our village, watching the world slowly wake from it’s slumber – newspapers being delivered to shopfronts, milk being dropped off outside coffee shops, shutters of stores rising, and lights coming on in house windows. As I’d turn and make my way back home, the sun would be starting to rise. I’d walk into the sunrise and marvel at the colour of the sky, at how the light shone like magic, at the possibility that the day had in store. My early morning walks were so good for my mental health, and they always made me feel that I could face the day ahead, no matter what it involved. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve got PGP and am under strict instructions to rest and not to walk for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. It’s really made me appreciate the walking that I used to do and I honestly cannot wait to be able to put the baby into the pram and go for walks whenever I want to. I can’t wait to be able to walk for long periods of time and not have aching hips and a cracking back. I’m really looking forward to getting back on track.
After my morning walk, and when the working day was done, I sat back and got stuck into my book. I started The Midnight Library on Tuesday and I’ve just finished it. I’ve been engrossed by this beautiful story of life and hope. Matt Haig’s book has really captivated me and I’ve found that my heart feels so full for having read it. It is genuinely a book that is the tonic I’ve needed in my life. It has made me feel so grateful for everything that I have, and has made me feel optimistic about the future. I’d been feeling like I’d been sinking in the never-ending groundhog-like days of Lockdown 3 in Ireland, but this has made me stop and reflect on everything. It’s made me think of all of the decisions I’ve made that have led me to this point in my life, and the endless possibility that lies ahead of me. It is a book that I am so truly grateful for picking up. If you’re looking for a book that will raise your spirits, then I highly recommend this one! You can read a review on it here if you’d like more info.
I’ve been trying to see how I can bring “newness” into lockdown life. I’ve been quite happy to follow my routine of work, a walk, and some TV or reading for the evenings, but right now I’m going to try and mix it up a bit. Tonight, I’m joining a book event that’s being hosted by Waterford Libraries where Liz Nugent – an amazing Irish author – is giving some kind of a talk. I’m really looking forward to it and it’s something a little out of the ordinary. Around Valentine’s day I’d been looking up online events on Eventbrite to see if there was anything that we could do that would be a little different, and I saw that there are lots of virtual experiences taking place online. I learned that we can take virtual tours of the pyramids, see the street art of different cities, and experience a whole range of different cities, cultures, and events, from the comfort of our own homes. I think I will definitely be looking into doing something like that in the near future and bringing a bit of variety into my routine.
Being honest, today I’m feeling more hopeful than I have done in a long time. I don’t know if its the weather, or if this book has cast some kind of a spell on me, or whether its the fact that in just over 10 weeks I’m going to have my baby in my arms – but today feels different, it feels optimistic. I’m feeling like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Today I’m excited for what’s ahead of me. I’m looking forward to meeting my child, to early morning walks, to special cuddles in the middle of the night, for a bond that I don’t think I’ll have ever been able to imagine. I’m looking forward to getting outside my 5k and going to the beach, to first time family photos, and to the emotional roller-coaster that is parenthood. I’m looking forward to introducing my parents to their grandchild, to finding out if I have a son or a daughter, to being a mom. I’m really looking forward to my maternity leave, to getting a much wanted and much needed break from the high stress environment of my role, and to feeling truly connected to myself. I truly feel like the best is yet to come.