In the world of BMI, I am obese.
In the world of fashion, I am a size 14 (UK).
In the world of fitness, I am somewhat active.
In the world of mirrors, I am curvy, strong, and carry a large chest.
In my world though, I’ve struggled with my weight for about 15 years. I’ve tried countless diets, hypnosis, and fads among other things. However, I still bounce back to where I’m at. I think it all comes down to the fact that I don’t think I have a lot of self-discipline. As it stands, August is a month where the goal is to walk for an hour every single day, purely for mental health purposes. Today I found myself pressing “Go” on day one of Couch to 5k (again) and enjoying the challenge. I enjoy walking, hiking, jogging, etc but for my entire adult life, I’ve been completely focused on losing weight to look and feel good. There have been goals in sight that I never reached and so I declared myself a failure time and time again.
Now, as I near my 32nd birthday, I find myself looking at my body with a different purpose in mind – reproduction. I’m not a mother, but I want to be one. Hopefully within the year of being 32. I look at my body now and see it as a vehicle for all of the amazing things it has done for me in the past – climbed (small) mountains; fighting off diseases and illnesses; reacting instinctively and saving a life; getting me through the past 31 years of my life, day in, day out. But now, I’m looking at it for all of the things I hope it will be – a place that grows healthy babies; a body that nurtures it’s young; a body that is active enough to run around with children; a body that will hopefully see me through to a ripe, old age.
I feel that, for my entire life, I’ve had the wrong focus. I looked at my body as an image rather than a vehicle. And whilst I know and understand that I am not my body, I do feel that I need to treat it with more love, care, and respect. I’ve only just really considered all of the negative implications my habits may have on my fertility. I don’t smoke, I eat relatively healthily, and I enjoy the occasional drink. However, over the past few weeks I’ve been considering the following: how do I fuel my body to be fertile, to be bountiful, to serve the most natural purpose that it possesses?
There’s no ‘big revelation’ with this post, nor do I have any major plan to change my life when it comes to food and body image. I do want to continue with my goal of walking every day for an hour, and eating well as much as possible. The weather in Ireland doesn’t always help though – with weather warnings and thunderous downpours, walking is not always an attractive option but I’ll try to do yoga or something on those days. I’m intrigued by my change of mindset, and curious as to where the next few months may lead me. Hopefully, it will be down a very beautiful and fulfilling path with very few speedbumps along the way!
Until next time,