During lockdown, as Covid-19 swept the globe, I felt nothing less than heightened tension and internal deflation. I worked from home. It sucked out my soul and crushed every ounce of creativity that I had left. I moved house. My waistline widened. My lust for life went awry. Don’t get me wrong, I love life; the ‘global pandemic’ thing just made me look at life differently. So I stopped and took stock. What is my purpose here? What kind of life do I want to live? What is important to me? What am I willing to take on? What am I willing to give up?
Thinking about these questions made me look at the way our world has evolved. Whilst new technologies and advancements are beneficial in so many ways, there’s no denying that life in the 21st century is hard. Apple’s ‘Screen Time’ kindly let me know that I was spending upwards of four hours a day on my phone…. my phone!!! And I know that I certainly do not want to live life through a phone! For me, social media promotes self comparison, fear, anxiety, and has made me feel worthless at the best of times. And so, I deleted everything. All I had left was a twitter account for work. Seems pretty simple, right? It’s not though. I’ve got this innate drive to write, to photograph, to create, and to share. So, how do I do that in a way that is worth something to me. I don’t want another Insta account, another failed WordPress blog, another creative endeavour that eventually gets lost because of the pressure to constantly push and promote content… I need to do something where I don’t feel burdened, but where I have the freedom to post, to create, and to share what matters to me – whether anyone cares about it or not.
Fast forward to the present day; I was sitting the couch this morning, with Netflix playing mindlessly in the background, and decided to google “blogging not social media”, and after trying another platform, I’ve come back to my trusted reliable, WordPress. I like how I can add as many images as I’d like, how I can play around with the layout so that it represents a piece of me. So I’m going to give this another go – without the added pressure of likes, sharing, SEOs (that I don’t even understand anyways!) How it will work, I don’t know. Will it last, I don’t know. Will it make any difference to me and how I live my life creatively, I don’t know.
All I know for sure is that I need to do something that unleashes the creativity inside me. In order to do this honestly, I need to do this anonymously. For now. As an anxious person I need the mask to be brave. I often feel like I was born to write and create – I just don’t know what I was born to write about! I’ve decided to just start writing and see where it leads me. I can guarantee you though, that it will most certainly involve a mix of books I’m reading; thoughts about our changing world; photos that make me happy, and venting about things that don’t. As I embark on this new journey I hope to find the outlet I so clearly yearn. I don’t know what lies ahead but may the odds be ever in my favour.